Writing Through What
I’ve Witnessed of Church Hurt
I am writing this because there is a video circulating that has been bothering me for quite some time now. I have never personally experienced church hurt, but I have heard stories from friends and family who have left the church because they were wounded by it. Watching what was being preached on this video made my heart ache because it does not reflect the heart of Christ. As Paul said:
“But in the following instructions, I cannot praise you. For it sounds as if more harm than good is done when you meet together.”
1 Corinthians 11:17
How we define church today is not how the Bible defines the Church. In Scripture, the Church is not a building, a denomination, or a weekly gathering, but a people called by Christ and joined together in Him. She is not merely an idea or an institution. Scripture tells us the Church is the Bride of Christ, beloved, chosen, and dearly treasured by Jesus Himself. He gave His life for her, washes her with His Word, and guards her with a jealous love.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
Ephesians 5:25–27 ESV
Because of this, how we speak about the Church matters. We are not speaking about a place or a name, but about the Bride Christ died for. And yet, loving the Bride does not mean pretending she has not been wounded. In fact, protecting the Bride requires the courage to name where harm has occurred and the humility to pursue repentance and healing.
“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.”
1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV
Jesus’ heart has always been near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Throughout the Gospels, He consistently draws close to those who have been wounded by religious systems, misused authority, or spiritual neglect. He does not dismiss their pain, nor does He ask them to carry it quietly for the sake of appearances. Instead, He restores dignity, truth, and safety. Any conversation about church hurt must begin here, with the heart of Jesus for those who are bruised, overlooked, or spiritually crushed.
Church hurt is often spoken about broadly, but when examined closely, a pattern emerges. Most deep and lasting church wounds do not come from casual interactions within the congregation. They more often come from positions of spiritual authority, such as pastors, leaders, disciplers, and servants entrusted with care. This is not said to accuse, but to clarify. Authority carries weight, and when that weight is mishandled, the damage is profound. Words spoken from the pulpit, decisions made behind closed doors, correction given without gentleness, or even condescending remarks can shape a person’s faith for years, leaving them either moving toward healing or retreating into fear and shame.
Because of this, church hurt is not merely an emotional issue. It is a shepherding issue. Scripture consistently holds leaders to a higher standard, not because they are more valuable, but because they are more responsible.
“So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”
1 Corinthians 9:26–27 ESV
Spiritual authority is a stewardship, not a shield. When harm is done, even unintentionally, repentance is not optional. It is an act of love toward the Bride and obedience toward Christ. Accountability does not weaken leadership. It purifies it.
At the same time, it is important to recognize that not all harm comes from individual malice. Sometimes the source of church hurt is a culture that has drifted from the Kingdom of God. Church culture is not the same as Kingdom culture. What becomes normal in a ministry setting is not always what Jesus modeled. Efficiency can replace compassion. Loyalty can replace truth.
Silence can be mistaken for peace. When these patterns go unexamined, wounds are not only created, they are sustained.
This is why the call starts with an inward change of heart, a metanoia, from which outward expression follows. When change begins only on the outside, without reflection or true repentance, it becomes mere behavior modification rather than the transformation Christ calls for. God desires mercy, not sacrifice, and a heart that truly knows Him, not outward forms of righteousness (Hosea 6:6; Matthew 15).
Because of this, leaders are invited to examine their hearts, their methods, and their motives before God. Congregations are invited to discern the difference between honoring leadership and excusing harm. The Church is healthiest when repentance is normal, humility is visible, and restoration is prioritized over reputation. Yet even with repentance, wounds still need care. Many within the Body of Christ are what some have called the “bummer lamb.” I never understood this term until my mentor explained why Jesus so often referred to Himself as a shepherd.
When a sheep gives birth and there is a runt, the mother will often reject that lamb and refuse to feed it. In those cases, the shepherd takes the runt and becomes its caretaker, tending to it personally until it is healthy. Once the lamb grows strong, the shepherd returns it to the flock. The most beautiful part of this picture is that when the shepherd later calls the herd, that lamb is often the first to run toward him because of the bond they share.
“I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
John 10:14–15 ESV
Jesus does not abandon these sheep. He carries them. He tends to their wounds personally. Healing from church hurt often takes time, safety, and patient guidance. It requires space to process pain without shame and to rediscover trust without pressure.
Ultimately, the hope of the Church does not rest in perfect leadership, flawless systems, or unbroken communities. Our hope rests in Christ Himself. He is the Head of the Church, the Chief Shepherd, and the faithful Bridegroom who does not fail His people. Even when leaders fall short and structures crumble, Jesus remains holy, gentle, and present. He is not surprised by the wounds within His Church, nor is He distant from them. He is actively at work, purifying His Bride, restoring the wounded, and drawing His people back to Himself.
“He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness.”
Hebrews 5:2 ESV
For those who feel spiritually oppressed, unheard, or burdened by experiences within the Church, healing is possible. At Bible Freaks, we offer Christian life coaching as a safe and supportive avenue for those seeking clarity, restoration, and freedom. This is not a replacement for the local church, but a place to walk through pain with wisdom, prayer, and Christ-centered care, so that the Bride may be strengthened, not silenced.
The Church is still the Bride of Christ. And because she is loved, she is worth protecting. Because she has been wounded, she is worth tending. And because Jesus is faithful, redemption is still at work within her.
By: Kelsey Juan